I am writing this week’s blog Tuesday night ahead of the Thursday publication date.
Normally, I am trying to inspire or educate. Not this time. When talking to business owners, I often say that we don’t always get to pick our exit, and today, I want to add this one: we also don’t always get to pick our adversity.
We just found out (my wife and I) that our son’s brain shunt isn’t working and that we are going to have to have it replaced. All surgery seems routine until it is you and/or your loved ones. The reassurance from the experts is welcomed, but it doesn’t fix the emotional toll.
Our son was a 24-week preemie and one of the conditions that evolved from the terrible brain bleed he had was hydrocephalus (swelling of the ventricles) which required a brain shunt to save his life. The weeks leading up to him being big enough (he was under 2 lbs at birth) were pretty horrible as I had to sign a release form once per week for a neurosurgeon to stick a needle into his brain to drain fluid.
We had been told, in the past, that since he hadn’t needed to have his shunt replaced or fixed, there was a possibility that it wasn’t even needed anymore…and since we loved that option, we bought it hook, line and sinker.
That veneer of good news is gone tonight, once again, for my wife and I. We operate under a pretty slim margin of sanity dealing with our son’s multiple severe disabilities (the most challenging ongoing is our son’s severe autism) and our emotional bandwidth is shockingly narrow for most people to even imagine.
How does this apply to business?
I own one and have to somehow find the emotional energy to run it while managing this uncertainty and fear.
We are going to have to figure out how to handle an overnight stay in the hospital with severe autism and then the recovery at home…while running my business and supporting my wife’s full-time job.
That is not unique and that is why I am sharing. I know — because of the direct messages I have received over the years since I started sharing more about our struggles — that there are more people facing the emotional desperation and exhaustion we are facing.
One thing that is very different, though, is that I am not alone. I know of dozens of you who read this and are aware of some of our families’ challenges and are always encouraging us with prayers and kind words.
Community is something I often find lacking in many business owners that I meet. I am not saying that they don’t have friends and family. Instead, I often note that they don’t have a place they feel is safe to get real and to be transparent because of their perception of what being a ‘real business owner’ is.
Newsflash: it just means you are a human being.
Don’t get me wrong. I know that there are less options to share and get understanding as a business owner because there are a lot less of us out there and we don’t often have places to gather together and share personally.
I know of many business owners that have no outlet for what I am writing in this very moment…that are silently despairing and trying to figure out how to once again step into the breach for their family and are losing themselves a little more each day.
There are opportunities for you to find community, both in person and online, with other business owners. Here are a few quick options:
LXCouncil
Entrepreneurs’ Organization
Additionally, I have found that being a part of the Exit Planning Institute has given me a much larger network of like-minded business consultants to create some new friendships and friends that will go deep with me. Professional organizations can be a godsend.
This might sound crazy to you as a business owner, but the exit planning process (how to grow now and sell better later) might be a really good way for you to engage with professionals who understand the situation and pressures you face right now AND become trusted advisors/friends along the inevitable challenges and adversity you will face while leading your business.
This sharing of my current struggles as a business owner and father is one of the benefits of social media and is one of the reasons I still participate beyond economics. Real people, real stories, and real support in your (our) suffering.
Tomorrow, I expect that I will be in a better place (I am) and in a better mindset than right now…and one of the reasons is that I wrote this tonight (and edited it this morning).
I am so thankful for the amazing medical care, our amazing church, my compassionate and caring clients (past and present), and this community.
If you are suffering in silence, I hope you now know that there is someone out there that will understand. Feel free to reach out and/or forward to someone you know.
Mike.
